Home Sweet Home

Well, I safely made it back from Korea on Sunday night. I left Seoul Station around 7am and got home around 7:30pm. What better way to be welcomed home than with a blizzard? Luckily the taxi driver already knew where I lived. He told me it'll stop snowing soon and to be excited for June when things start turning green again. He's a nice guy.

After a week of living out of my backpack, it's nice to be home. It's nice to have a fridge stocked with...OJ, Pepsi, and eggs. It's nice to know where things are. It's nice to sleep in my own bed. There's something nice about having some place to call my own. While being in civilization was great, I've come to love my quiet little village. Starbucks, restaurants, shopping, trains, subways--all cool things. But coming home to a blizzard, talking to the taxi driver like he was an old friend, and not even having to tell him where I lived...that's what I missed about home. The stars are brighter in the dark silence. And it's beautiful.

No classes this week, so I'm at the office every day studying and trying to be productive. Today I cleaned out my desk drawers. Definitely needed to happen. Don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow...or the rest of the week...or all of next week. Things are still busy and hectic and I'm exhausted (still recovering from kimchi overload). I'll post pictures and perhaps a more coherent recap of the trip this weekend.

Spring Break

I'm heading out to Korea for a week for Spring Break. I'll be back on Sunday and will do my best to eat as much kimchi and Kbbq as possible.

All Quiet on the Western Front

Nothing has happened in the last couple days. Just watching the nuclear reactor. That hasn't been too interesting. It wouldn't reach us up here (or so I've been told).

I got to talk to my friend in Sendai last night. It was surreal hearing him talk about what happened when the quake hit and what it's been like the last couple of days. Praise God the tsunami didn't hit his apartment...or his school. I could sense a peace in his voice, even amidst the craziest week of his life. He told me God doesn't change, and I knew he was right. I just wonder if I would say the same if I were in his shoes. Because he'll run out of food in his apartment in about a week. They have no electricity or gas or water at his school that turned into a shelter. There's no gas for cars, no food in the city, no electricity for miles around. The craziest thing was that he didn't know what was going on in the rest of Japan because they've been in the dark (literally and figuratively) and shut off from the country. I was so relieved to hear his voice and to talk to him for a while. God doesn't change. He is still good. He is still in control. He is still God.

Earthquake Pt....Quatro?

I live in Japan, not Mexico. You can imagine how bad my English classes are when I teach them in Spanish.

I can't tell if it's the crazy wind or more aftershocks that keep rocking my house. Either way, it's a tad noisy with the window frames rattling.

Today went on as usual. It was a bit of a more somber mood at school, but things were normal at the Board of Education office. The most common question I got was "Where were you when the quake hit?" Because the school I was at this morning, I left that same school about 30 minutes before the quake hit on Friday. I asked the students how they felt. Most of them have never been in an earthquake before. They asked if earthquakes in California had tsunamis. I tried to explain tectonic plates in broken Japanese which ended with me drawing a picture of Japan as an island and California...part of a much larger land mass. I tried to explain that the Northridge earthquake was much stronger for me. However, my co-teacher immediately shot me down saying that this was the 5th largest earthquake ever recorded. Yes, co-teacher, that may be true, however the Northridge earthquake was much closer to my house. I'm sure he didn't really care; he just wanted to crush me in front of the class...again.

Tomorrow is graduation. As we keep experiencing aftershocks and brace for another "big" one predicted to hit in the next couple of days, life is moving. Everyone is keeping their cell phone on them and on. We're constantly checking the news and websites about the nuclear reactor, even though it probably wouldn't reach us up here. There are blessings about living in the middle of nowhere.

While I get ready for a spring break vacation, I know at least one of my friends is waiting just to be able to get water and power again. The thought of buying an iPad right now seems completely irrelevant. It reminds of the day when we found out that one of my friends got cancer. Everything became irrelevant--the midterms, the interviews, the papers...irrelevant. It really puts things into perspective. Because when life stops, perspective changes. The importants become less important and the take-for-granteds become more valuable, more cherished.

Earthquake Pt. Tres

I fell asleep to some aftershocks rocking my house last night. Nothing major, just trembling.

I went to town today to go to church. I got to church fine. Roads seemed fine. When I crossed a small bridge over the river (that leads to the ocean), it was scattered with logs. It looked like God dropped his Lincoln Logs on the river. It was bizarre. And to see "icebergs" on the shore. So right now, the ice on the river has been melting...slowly. The tsunami obviously didn't like the ice on the river and chucked them up on shore. I asked the pastor's wife how things were on Friday, and all she said was, "Praise God we weren't in Iwate." We didn't even really talk about it much at church. We prayed for Sendai and Iwate and Miyagi. But things were...normal.

My cell phone finally got service again around 11am. I had a mass number of emails on my phone. I was finally able to get hold of one of my friends in Tokyo who told me she and her family are fine. I grabbed lunch with some other ALTs. But half of them couldn't get to town because the highways were still closed on their end. After driving around town trying to find a soup curry restaurant, we discovered that roads were still flooded...and closed. We found out that train service started up again. Also a good thing. Seems like things up here are going back to normal at least.

Perhaps that's the weirdest thing. Because while the rest of the country goes on with life, there's a huge chunk of this country that's devastated. I didn't even turn on the news today because I didn't want to see more replays of the tsunami wiping out entire towns and hearing little kids screaming while they watch their house float past them. I don't want to see the list of names of people who are still missing. I don't want to see the hordes of people forced to sleep in school gymnasiums because their towns are gone. I don't want to see refinery fire or the nuclear reactor. I don't want to see it. And tomorrow, I'll go to work, and it'll be like any other Monday. That's really sad.

Ironically, I've been reading this book about the sovereignty of God. I have to trust that God is in control, even when natural disasters wipe out pieces of my country and devastate a nation. I have to trust God. I have no choice. Look at Isaiah 45:7:

"I form light and create darkness,

I make well-being and create calamity,

I am the LORD, who does all these things."

In his book Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts, Gerald Bridges says, "God's sovereignty over nature does mean that, whatever we experience at the hand of the weather or other forces of nature (such as plant diseases or insect infestation of our crops), all circumstances are under the watchful eye and sovereign control of our God."

I don't understand why God creates disaster, or why He throws Lincoln Logs in a river in one town and and completely levels the other town. I don't. He said He sends His rain and sun on the righteous and the unrighteous. I don't understand. But I'm not going to take God off His throne of absolute sovereignty. I'm not going to judge God for seemingly being not good. Who am I to judge God? Who am I to tell God He did wrong? I know God can and will use everything for His glory. And Christians and missionaries in Japan all know that this country needs to see God's glory.

My God is bigger than a 9.0 earthquake. My God is bigger than a giant tsunami. My God is bigger than a nuclear meltdown. My God is bigger than spiritual apathy. I believe God is bigger than all of this. I believe He is still good and He is still sovereign. I believe He can and will use this disaster for His glory. And if I could understand why He allowed such a disaster to occur, He wouldn't be big enough for me to worship in fear and reverence.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God, You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, Our God...

"Our God" -- Chris Tomlin

Earthquake Pt. Dos

Don't worry--I'm safe. I was actually driving through a blizzard when the initial quake hit, so I didn't feel it. But I arrived at my school around 3:15 and got rocked by a few aftershocks while watching the news there. It was pretty weird though. I had a cup of coffee on my desk and I watched it begin to tremble on its saucer...just like in the Jurassic Park movie. I seriously looked behind my shoulder out the window to make sure a T-Rex wasn't coming. Although, that would've topped off the crazy day. I drove back to the office around 4:30 and spent most of it talking with my coworkers. Our cell phones aren't working, so it's made trying to contact people nearly impossible. I'm thankful that I have power, heat, water, and gas. I've been able to check Facebook and see that some of my friends in Sendai have updated their statuses meaning they're okay. But they don't have power, heat, water, or gas, and it's still winter and snowing. I continued to feel after shocks until at least 9:00pm. The aftershocks are low rumblings but really long. I've never felt aftershocks like this before.

I'm about 25 miles north of the coast and up in the hills, so the tsunami warnings weren't in effect here. However, I do go to church in Kushiro which did get hit by a tsunami yesterday. Many of my co-teachers live in Kushiro (which is only 45 minutes south of my village). I was supposed to go down there today to have lunch with some friends, but all the highways are closed and the trains are shut down. The news coverage here depicts the damage far worse than CNN does. The death toll continues to rise as rescue efforts begin.

Please be praying for Sendai (which got hit the hardest) and the areas that have been ravaged by the tsunami. We're praying for revival and that the Holy Spirit would move here and people would come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

Earthquake

We just got rocked by a huge earthquake. However, I was driving between schools. We have been informed by our advisor to stay away from the coast. Tsunamis are hitting the town and all along the east coast of Japan. So please be praying...this is our second major earthquake this week (over 6.0).

Backward Thinking

Usually when I hear “backward thinking,” I think of old-school, outdated schools of thought. And maybe living so far out in the countryside, people do think backward…or don’t think at all. They never considered the fact that it doesn’t snow during winter in every part of the world. They never considered the fact that Japanese food is served in other parts of the world. Weird little things I am discovering being here.

And as winter is here for another month or so, I am reminded of some thoughts I had before I arrived in July. One of my first blog posts was about “Last Samurai.” I still think in many ways that this tiny isolated village is like the one in the movie. The winter roads do close. It’s too cold to go outside and you are most definitely stuck in your house when there’s a blizzard and you can’t open your front door. But people here still use bamboo brooms. They still have wood burning heaters and stoves in their homes. It’s a strange thing to have a 60” flat screen and a PS3 but still having to chop wood to keep warm.

As I’ve been fighting this emo season, I’ve been asking God to reveal Himself to me. When I get emo, it’s easy to stop looking for God. It’s easy to just focus on me and my immediate surroundings and circumstances and how much life just…isn’t what I thought it should be. It’s when I don’t die to myself before I get out of bed. Being emo is basically being selfish.

So as I walked to work yesterday in the miserably cold windy morning, I asked God to speak. My walk to work is only 7 minutes, so I didn’t give Him much time, but He answered. The wind died down to a gentle breeze and the clouds broke into blue skies. And then snow gently fell. Remember My grace. And I looked around and saw the hill and the trees and the sidewalk and the street completely covered in snow. Nothing was going to escape the snow; it covered everything. In that moment, I remembered that His love covered ALL my sins. That His blood makes me white as snow.

But then He spoke again. Can you praise me even now? I looked around at the white hill, white trees, white sidewalk, white street, and I thought how boring it all looked. Everything looked the same. ecause that's why I've been frustrated and down and emo because I want spring to come and I'm tired of looking at snow and being cold. Can you praise me even now? I longed for spring to come and flowers to bloom and the hills to be green again. BI will bless you and I will continue to bless you. Even when you think my blessing will stop like you hope these snow storms will, I will still bless you. My love has covered you like the snow on the hills. Nothing can hide from the snow. Nothing is outside my reach. My love has cleansed every part of your life. Can you praise me now?

I started wearing shorts underneath my track suit. I keep hoping that one day I’ll walk outside and it’ll be warm enough to be in shorts. But the first time I wore shorts, a blizzard greeted me at my front door. Talk about crushing. I keep asking people when will spring come, when will it stop snowing, when can I play outside, when can I wear shorts. Soon enough. It’ll come soon enough, they tell me. I want winter to end now, but it’s a season. Every season has an end. And this one will too.

Pizza, soda, and cookies for dinner!

I would make dinner tonight except I went to bed around 2 am and woke up at 6 am for work. And if you know me, you know I don't run well on little sleep. The thought of cooking what I had in mind would take way too long. And I am far too tired to do that. So, pizza toast, CC Lemon, and chocolate chip cookies for dinner it is!

In college, that was normal. But I'm supposed to have a schedule and routine as a working person. It's not like I have spontaneous adventures in the middle of the night...except for last night. We had our end-of-the-season rubber boots ice hockey dinner. Of course, there was lots of food and alcohol involved. However, knowing I had an early day today, I refrained from drinking and stuck to the grape juice. But, that didn't stop everyone else from having a good time...until 1:30 am. And then realizing my DD was trashed and we ended up walking home at 1:30 am...and it was cold. I wasn't expecting to be outside, so I didn't dress appropriately to be walking home from the other side of the river. I didn't even know things were open at 1:30 am here. But, it was a good time and I'm still semi-awake enough for pizza toast and soda and cookies for dinner.

Nights like tonight really make me appreciate Mom's cooking. I would come home and she would be in the kitchen cooking...every day. Fantastic meals. Salad, bread, veggies, rice (what's an Asian dinner without rice?), entree, fruit, dessert. Every night. Ridiculous. And here I am, no kids to take care of, no carpool to run, no bills to pay--and yet, I am eating pizza toast and soda and cookies for dinner.

At least I don't have to do many dishes, right?

Spiritually Dead Gospel

I like Gospel music. I once went with my friend to her grandparents' church and had like 4 straight hours of Gospel music...and I was the only Asian there. A little Kirk Franklin every once in a while is fun. But the thing I like about Gospel music is that the people who sing are singing with everything. It's like watching them worship God with every fiber of their being. Every inch of them believes the words that he or she is singing about God. You watch Gospel singers and they are using every ounce to worship God. That's what I love about Gospel music. It's passionate worship.

Last night I got invited to go to a Gospel concert by a friend from church. My friend used to be a part of this Gospel choir and had showed me a DVD of last year's concert. She wanted to know how their pronunciation was. The conductor came to church one Sunday to ask me to help her with some pronunciation. So last night, I drove to town to go to a Gospel concert.

I'm sitting there with my friend and I asked her, "If these people don't go to our church, where do they go?"

"They're not Christians. The band members are Christian, but the singers are not. They just like the sound."

So I asked my friend, "If these people aren't Christians, why do they like Gospel music?"

"Do you know Whoopie?"

"Whoopie Goldberg?"

"Yes! In Sister Act! Japanese people love Sister Act. Sister Act brought Gospel music to Japan. It is a great movie because it shares the Gospel!"

I had no words. I'll be honest--I haven't seen Sister Act in a long time, but I'm pretty sure Whoopie doesn't give a Gospel presentation anywhere in that movie. I don't remember Whoopie sharing Jesus and telling of His redeeming love and grace.

I watched the choir walk out on stage. I was a little confused--not going to lie. They weren't choir robes per se. It was like a mumu and a kimono got mashed together with an African print. And they all had a combination of cornrows and extremely teased hair, like they tried to all have afros. They obviously had darker toned foundation because no one in Hokkaido can be that tan with the amount of sunlight, or rather lack of sunlight, that we have.

My friend smiled proudly and asked, "Don't they look like Gospel singers?"

And I didn't have words to say. If they came to America like that, we'd call them racist. But here in Japan, in a homogeneous country, it's totally okay because they have no idea. Everything inside of me was churning and wrestling with itself. Because as an American, it was wrong. But because I live in Japan, it's okay.

So I sat there for an hour and a half heartbroken for these people. They sang in English and had no idea what they were singing. They just liked the sound. I watched them sing and sway and clap. They were very enthusiastic and dramatic. Except this one lady in the front center. She hardly swayed, barely clapped, and didn't smile the entire performance. They were singing "Since He Changed Me" by Kevin Davidson & Marque Walker. How can you sing, "I will lift my voice/ Sing unto the Lord and bless His name/ I will clap my hands/ Praise Him in the dance and give Him praise" without smiling? It's spiritually dead Gospel. And it killed me to watch.

And then God got me. I was watching these people sing songs they couldn't understand, but I could. They sang, "I Really Love You" by Lamar Campbell, and I had tears in my eyes. "I thank You for all that I am, for giving me courage to stand/ And when I am weak, You hold my hand/ To tell me that I really can/ I'll praise You for all that You are, I wouldn't have made it this far/ So I want to take the time to say, that I really love You." All the doubt and loneliness and junk I've been feeling for the past couple weeks just left. When is the last time, I sat there and told God how much I loved Him, how much I really loved Him for saving me, for redeeming me, for loving me? It convicted me. My heart broke this Gospel choir because I thought, "What if they knew what they were singing? What if they knew the God to whom they sing?"

The blood of Jesus restoreth my soul

From the crown of my head

To the sole of my feet

I find peace in knowing of Calvary

Because the blood of Jesus restoreth my soul

"The Blood Restoreth My Soul" -- Michael Green
(Link is to Youtube video of last year's concert performance)

Cravings

So living for the last four years in the heart of LA, I got used to being able to eat anything I wanted at any time. I could drive down Fig and have almost every fast food place imaginable. Panda Express. Taco Bell. McDonald's. Chano's. I want Thai food at 1:30 am? TG Express delivered to your door. Fresh pepperoni pizza straight out of the oven for $5? Papa John's on 22nd. Healthy midnight snack? $5 footlongs at Subway open 24 hours. Soondubu at 3 am? I don't think K-town sleeps.

Tonight, I craved soondubu. I've been told it's hard to make. And tonight, I learned it was. I think I put too much salt in it, but the consistency was right. I think aside from the salt overload, it would've been okay. I always have tomorrow to try again.

March Madness

It's March Madness. March Madness to me means the end of "rainy" season in LA (all of 2 weeks), the start of midterms, the never ending supply of college basketball games on TV, spring break, and warmer weather. However, Hokkaido has a different definition. In 4 days, I've driven to school in 2 blizzards and had to shovel the office parking lot to get my car out.

Seriously, Hokkaido, let's just watch some good ol' basketball and melt that snow.

But on a different note, I've been a little emo. I'm pretty sure it's from the lack of Vitamin D. And maybe having my heart crushed a little bit when I opened my front door on March 1 expecting to see green grass and blooming flowers, only to be greeted by a fierce blizzard. It's been difficult to be motivated. I'm super lethargic every day. I come home from work and do nothing, and I can't get out of bed until my 3rd alarm. Unheard of. I'm definitely not the...normal me. I'm like....lame me. Really lame me.

But yesterday, I got back to the office late, and I still had prep to do for my night class. I was about to walk out of the office to go make copies in the hallway, and the office lady was like, "WAIT!" and ran into the kitchen area. Everyone in the office was confused and was looking around at each other; I had no idea what was going on. She emerged with a plastic bag that had a cake box in it. My coworkers started laughing, she said something I couldn't understand, so I took my cake box in a plastic bag to the copy in the hallway and made copies. Then I went home confused as to why I had a personal strawberry cake from a fancy bakery. I didn't know who gave it to me or for what reason, but I had a strawberry cake. Can't complain about that when you're emo.

This morning I walked to work with my boss and this was our conversation.
Me: "Umm, you know that cake yesterday...who was it from?"
Boss: "It was from all the male workers in the office."

Me: "Oh. Wait, but it's not White Day yet. My birthday already passed. I'm confused."

Boss: "Just something nice. A present."

A lack of vitamin D can always be replaced with a large dose of strawberry cake.

Madness. March Madness.