False alarm

As I came home Friday night from our office's Shinenkai (New Years party), I drove down my street to find 5 cop cars all around my house.

I panicked.

Why?

I left my heater on. I thought my house caught on fire because I left the heater on when I went to the dinner party. It's the one rule everyone tells you to follow or else you'll die--don't leave the house with your heater on.

And I did.

And there in front of my house were 5 cop cars with all of their lights on. The snow bank was so high and I was so distracted by the flashing lights I couldn't even see my house. There was a long line of cars flipping around because they blocked off the road. I panicked. What was I going to tell my boss? How would I explain that I burnt the town office's house down because I left the heater on during the dinner party because I didn't want to come back frozen?

I turned onto my driveway street (my house is the first house on my street; so it's the corner house). And as I turned the corner I saw a car...a car with a smashed in driver's side door and a cop with a flashlight inspecting it. I slipped into my driveway and quickly ran inside my warmed house, relieved.

The cops weren't there because my house burnt down from leaving the heater on. The cops were there because someone's car got hit (why it required 5 cop cars, I don't know). I broke the coveted don't-leave-your-house-with-your-heater-on rule and suffered no consequences aside from a near panic attack and a warm house...and I'm thankful that was the case.

I didn't follow the rules because I didn't want to wait to be warm, comfortable when I got home. I panicked and went through every possible excuse to tell my boss why the house caught on fire before I could even see my house. I couldn't even see my house and I was panicked beyond belief because I knew I did something I wasn't supposed to do. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it was someone else's car, not my house. I slipped into my warm house and smiled that I broke the rule and nothing happened.

I tried to think of some moral to this story, something deep, but I don't think there really is one...except I need to be more like Jesus in my thoughts, intentions, motivations, and actions, and I won't leave my heater on when I'm not home again.

Sunday morning

It's Sunday morning. Church starts in 15 minutes and I am...sitting at home.

I could've made it to church this morning had I really tried. But at 9:20 when I needed to leave, I was sitting on the floor in my PJs drinking coffee.

I am outright exhausted from work. I would love to go to church to be renewed and refreshed, but in reality, I know there's a good chance I won't. Because as I have been wrestling with my contract papers for the past couples months and weeks, I haven't been able to share that with my church family here. The language and cultural barriers are the highest for me at church...and it makes it harder for me to go when I am weary and tired and in need of rest and community.

So I'm home on Skype with my community waiting for my car to heat up. I'm heading to town with my Bible and journal and my iPod. I'm going to go sit at a coffee shop and get out of the house with Jesus. A date with Jesus. I just need some time with Jesus.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Dirty Date Night

Last night was Monday night, my Sabbath, my designated date night with Jesus. Needless to say, probably the most interesting and dirtiest date night to date.

My sink backed up on Sunday night. I looked up online how to fix a clogged sink. I thought perhaps the thing was frozen and I dumped pots of hot water to no avail and stuck a portable heater underneath, also to no avail. We went to the hardware store, bought some baking soda and vinegar, and proceeded to recreate a 4th grade science experiment in my sink pipes.

Still clogged, but now I had all kinds of nasty bubbling up into the basin. NASTY. I crawled beneath the sink and unscrewed a cap, which spewed a giant blob of wet baking soda, brown water, and more nasty stuff. I realized it wasn't the pipe from the sink that had the problem; it was the pipe to the drain that was the problem.

I grabbed the wrench and dismantled the plumbing beneath my sink. Lots of black scum down there. I pulled out the pipe that lead to the drain and realized it was frozen solid. I took the whole mess of pipes over to my shower room and shot hot water through it. Finally the ice melted, and the sheer force of the hot water flowing through the pipes flushed out every nasty black scum every accumulated. It sprayed nasty black scum all over my shower. GROSS. But after that whole ordeal, I reassembled all the plumbing under the sink and tested to make sure it worked.

The internet told me to use baking soda and vinegar to flush out my pipes. That would've worked--except that wasn't the problem. Instead, it brought up a whole bunch of nasties that were previously hidden away from my sight. The problem wasn't where I thought it would be. But it took lots of trying and hot water to figure out where the problem actually was. And then a dismantling, full flushing, and rebuilding to get everything functioning again. The problem was much bigger than a hairball stuck in the pipe. It was years of nasty black scum frozen in my drain pipe...much deeper than I imagined the problem could be.

So much of my life looked like nasty bubbling stuff. There was a problem deep inside my life and yet all that anyone could see was this nasty bubbling stuff. The solutions everyone offered (like the baking soda & vinegar) weren't solving the problem--more Bible studies, another accountability group, another church service. The problem wasn't where everyone thought it was. The problem was deeper, much deeper--nasty frozen black scum in my heart. And I had to have life taken apart piece by piece until I could be saturated with the love of Jesus. And over time, that nasty frozen black scum came out, but it wasn't without lots of hot water and radical accountability and lavish grace. And He put me back together--to be useful and used for a purpose. If every once in a while, I sat in the presence of Jesus and let His love flow through me and cleanse me and wash me clean, I wouldn't get nasty frozen black scum build up.

Jesus and I sat on the couch (after I showered and sanitized myself) and shared a laugh. I apologized we had to fix my sink on our date night, but there was so much more He wanted to show me and remind me during our whole plumbing ordeal--nasty black scum and all.

Recap: Home

Home was delightful. I came back to LA and enjoyed a NAP as soon as I got home. WONDERFUL way to start off a trip home. We enjoyed Chinese food as a family at home and my best friend stayed the night. Needless to say, there was lots of staying up late and catching up (even though we are in communication every day).

We had a lovely Christmas party at the house. Now that I'm older, it's one of the best days of the year. To see all the familiar faces that we no longer conveniently see every week at church. Sitting with the adults and no longer being bound to the cold garage was special...for both adults and kids alike. I'm blessed to have so many people whom I can consider family.

The Peanut Gallery (most of us)--finally grown up

Random trip to San Diego, some dinners & lunches, two trips to Candy Cane Lane, reunion sleepover of best friends, and an engagement party scattered in between. Lots of family time and more family once Christmas Eve and Christmas Day hit. We played our usual post-Christmas family golf and while we all played decent, it was better to enjoy the sunshine and high fives and laughs out on the course than our scores.

Possible candidate for next year's Christmas card

The MagCrew got together for our annual Christmas hang out. So thankful for these women and their long enduring friendships. There are no other women I would rather sit at King's Hawaiian with for 4 hours than these girls.

Wicked was amazing, and the company was good. A family dinner with old friends just like we used to before all of us kids got old and moved out. Staying up late laughing at the big dining room table with friends who feel like family is a blessing. We even had a family dinner at my brother's new place! Food truck frenzy in Venice and taquitos at Olvera Street and dim sum after church and hash & eggs probably added to the winter layer...but there's nothing like eating good food in LA with a good friend.

Breakfasts and brunches and lunches and dinners and desserts with many friends from college. What a blessing it is to sit and hear what God is doing in the lives of my brothers and sisters! With ministry and relationships and engagements and married life and work. I'm blessed to have them in my life and to have their friendships during our time at SC and beyond.

My friend Brian--friends since Day 1 at USC

The Parkside girls who never locked their door when they probably should have and got me to go to a Christian campus fellowship when I was a freshman.

My pledgesisters & accountability partners

My apartmentmates (4/6 +1) during my last 2 years at USC

I had the blessing of being at SC for a couple of days. Had a chance to meet up with former professors and enjoy being on campus again. It felt a little strange to be on campus without having any classes, but I was busy running around to offices and meetings. I forgot what it was like to share a bathroom and a kitchen and every other living space, but crashing at the sorority house was a blessing. I loved sitting in the prayer room and praying over one of the girls whom I had never met in person until I arrived. I loved standing in the back of the living room during their meeting and listening to 35 women raise their voices to worship Jesus. I loved spending time with both of my littles and all of my kids. I loved sharing a meal with some of the alumnae and recanting stories that should never be shared in public places. I loved my time with the sorority for the very reason I loved being an active part of it--they remind me I'm a changed woman and I am loved by God.

Alumnae dinner at El Cholo

My kids

Had one last sleepover with my best friend Tuesday night before an early morning breakfast with my pastors. I stopped at church one last time on Wednesday night for basketball with the old guys. A Chipotle outing with Dad and a Panera date with Mom. Back at Tom Bradley and hugging at the security gate.

A whirlwind of a trip home with nothing particularly special or exciting, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Spending time with the ones I love, the ones who remind me of the love of God.

And we're back!

Well, I'm back.

I'm back in the village--covered in snow and well below freezing. I drove down to church, grabbed McDonald's, watched the Broncos get destroyed, and then hit up the recycle shop and hardware store before coming back to the village for dinner at my boss's house. Seems like things are back to normal. And my toilet is frozen.

LA was fantastic. Weather was warm. Family & friends were encouraging. Food was delicious. It was good to be home. While there wasn't much time for relaxing, I found rest in fellowship. To laugh with old family friends and enjoy big casual dinners like we used to before all of us kids grew up and moved out. To stay up late into the night having pillow talk with my best friends. To share so many meals with so many different friends and catch up on life. To spend time with my family around the dinner table. To sit outside with a cup of Starbucks and listen to the ocean. To drink Starbucks and share life with new & old friends. To throw popcorn and laugh and be silly with my kids. To worship Jesus in the living room of the sorority house. I've missed fellowship...and having people in the flesh (not trapped in my computer screen).

It was a good 4 weeks back in the States, but it's nice to be back in the village. The quieter life. The slower life. Things I've come to appreciate after 18 months.

I have about 3 weeks or so to sign my papers. They're shoved in a drawer in my desk at the office. I've done my best to ignore them since I got them back in October. But the deadline is approaching. I am praying that Jesus comes back before I have to make a decision. While it may be selfish, I'm stuck. I'm stuck and I have nothing to do but pray and seek God. So again, like last year, I'll be on my knees asking for a giant blinking Vegas-esque sign to fall out of the sky telling me what to do and where to go next but knowing it'll probably be more like a whisper in the middle of the night as I'm falling asleep.