Emo

Let's be honest, there are more palm trees where I live in LA than trees that actually change colors when the temperature drops in October. I've never seen a tree look like this before. I was driving home from church today and I just smiled and laughed. It was so beautiful and taking a picture wouldn't do that kind of beauty any justice. It was like looking into a giant barrel of Fuji apples...and then going slightly cross-eyed until the colors all blend together. That's what things look like right now...and it's absolutely amazing.

So I was being a bit emo this week. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it was just an exhausting week. But back in LA when I got emo, I would go to the cliffs and/or write poetry. That was how I learned to healthily handle emoness. But I have no cliffs here and I hadn't written poetry in six weeks. But there was one place I have found to be a quiet refuge. So I jumped in the car with my Bible and journal and poetry journal and set out for my quiet refuge in hope of finding the sunset and Jesus.

I got here. It was cloudy...and frigid. And there were other people. Needless to say, I was a tad disappointed. As I climbed up the hill, the people slowly started to leave. By the time I got to the top, I was alone. But there was no sunset. It was hidden behind the clouds and the volcano. And I stood there and almost cried. All I wanted was a sunset. I opened my poetry journal and, for the first time since I came to Japan, wrote a poem that I could feel. I stood there and waited for the sunset that never came. I opened my Bible and starting reading out loud (since I was alone).

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?...You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?...In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life. Psalm 56:3-4, 8, 10-13

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me...My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth! Psalm 57:1-2, 7-11

Thus says God, the Lord, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it: "I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols. Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them." Isaiah 42:5-9

Needless to say I climbed down the hill a little more humble and much more comforted than when I had climbed up the hill. I will continue to cling the promises of my God because He never changes. He never goes back on His promises. He can't love me any more than He does right now.