It wasn't a bad week. It was actually a good week. One of my kids from the sorority got engaged. One of my old friends told me he's going to go back to school. I ate strawberries for the first time in a year. I went to the gym every day from 9-12 and then only sat at my desk from 1-5. I came home early, I went to sleep early, I ate well, I relaxed as much as I could. And I tried to have a blessed Holy Week. I tried.
And I cried.
I cried almost every night this week. I didn't sleep through one night, every night waking up to some weird dream or nightmare. I sat on the couch and cried. I crawled in my bed and cried. I sat in the shower and cried. It didn't matter how hard I tried--Holy Week hurt.
Friday night I sat on the couch and cried. As I remembered Jesus' death on Good Friday, I thought of my friend and his life that was seemingly taken too soon. And I let things hurt because in that moment it reminded me that I was still alive. That I feel pain and anguish and sorrow and anger because I am alive. My heart and my soul are still alive and breathing and beating with life.
I told myself I needed to get out of the house yesterday, but I made excuses and found myself at home all day in my PJs. After my Skype dates were finished, my house was quiet and empty and lonely.
Where are You, God? Where are You? You said You'd never leave, but I can't see You. What's going on, God? Don't leave me here in the dark.
Did the apostles see Jesus Saturday night before Easter morning? Because the apostles couldn't see Jesus in the tomb, does that mean He wasn't there? Jesus worked behind the scenes, behind the rock covering the entrance of the tomb, and the apostles couldn't see Him. Just because You can't see me doesn't mean I'm not here, I'm not working behind the scenes.
After a gloomy/snowy Friday and Saturday, I woke up this morning to blue skies and sunshine. I smiled.
And he said to them, "Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him."
Mark 16:6
He is risen, He is risen indeed! Jesus did not stay in the grave, He didn't stay behind the scenes, behind the rock covering the entrance of the tomb. I'm thankful He didn't. I'm thankful for the Friday night and the Saturday that He spent working behind the scenes. I'm thankful He didn't go back on His word, that He indeed rose from the grave Sunday morning. That death could not hold Him, and death has no victory. Death has no victory.
No comments:
Post a Comment