Cut Short

He was the first boy to ask me to dance with him. He was the first boy who told me he loved me. He was the first boy who asked me to trust him. And 9 years ago, I did.

9 years ago, we went to homecoming our freshman and we danced the last dance together—which was cut off halfway. One night he made it up to me, and we slow danced in his kitchen under the moonlight and he sang along with the CD he had playing out of the boom box on the counter. 9 years ago, he led me down a steep dirt trail by his house and we watched the sunset over the ocean, and he told me he loved me. I told him he needed to love Jesus first, and he did. 9 years ago, we climbed on his roof and watched shooting stars fly across the sky. He asked me to trust him, and I told him I wanted to but I didn’t want him to hurt me. He never did.

I looked forward to seeing him when I come home in May. We were going to have a celebratory meal for finishing his thesis. We exchanged Facebook messages on Friday. He told me all the places I should take my brother while he’s here—and he told me to have a good time. I took a picture with my brother at Kinkakuji to send him.

I wrote him back Saturday, but it was too late.

There’s something about being here that makes it hurt far worse. I cried uncontrollably on the train today. I aimlessly wandered around the city remembering all the good times and crazy things we did together. I hurt and ached and mourned and grieved…alone.

I finally met up with my brother and broke the news to him. My brother said he wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad and mope, and I knew he was right. We bought expensive desserts and toasted to the memories and good times we had together.

Life is short—and unexpected. And while I grieve and mourn the loss of my friend and first love, I know God is still good and He is still who He says He is. There are a lot of whys, but I know one day He’ll answer all my questions. I can’t see it now, but I know God has a plan. His life impacted so many others. I’m thankful that my brother is here and we can laugh and reminisce together, and we can also remember and grieve together. He gives and He takes away, but He is still good.

Thank you for being my friend and my first love. You will never know how much your life impacted the people around you. Thank you for always being you and being genuine and true to yourself. I am blessed to have had you in my life and always in my heart. Looking forward to seeing you again and sharing one more slow dance under the moonlight. 143.637.41303