Salt & Pepper

Since I came back to Japan 3 weeks ago, I started cooking. It's Thursday night and I can honestly say I've cooked 4 dinners this week. And I made bread on Sunday to eat for breakfast. Like legit wait-3-hours-to-let-yeast-rise bread. And no, I did not cook ramen. I went and BOUGHT FOOD. Real food. Like chicken and pork chops and fruits and tomatoes.

But I'm lazy. I lucked out that this week is miserably hot/humid (due to the typhoon hitting this weekend...or so I've been told) and it's test week so we have no basketball practice. I come home, go running, and then decide what to do for dinner. It's so hot that ramen isn't appealing...at all.

But I'm lazy. And I have limited spices. I checked. Every time I go to town where I can buy spices I forget which ones I needed for my recipe. But I have the basics: salt, pepper, garlic powder, garlic salt, mesquite seasoning, and cumin.

This week has been SALT & PEPPER. Simple & basic. Olive oil the chicken, salt & pepper both sides, throw it in the toaster oven for 10 minutes, and VOILA! dinner. Olive oil the pan, salt & pepper the pork chop, throw it in the pan for 10 minutes, and VOILA! dinner. It's simple & basic and that's how I like things.

Lately, I wish life were like my cooking--simple & basic, salt & pepper. But it hasn't been. When I left LA 3 weeks ago, relationships were changing...and I left with no guarantee I'd come back to them the way I left them. I came back home and my friends here were replaced by strangers and routines with my closest companions here changed. I've been waking up and it seems like life is a complicated recipe with 15 different ingredients and lots of stirring and mixing and mashing and chopping and dicing. And it's daunting. It feels like I'll never get it just right--I'll say the wrong thing, not be on Skype at the right time, forget birthdays, lag at replying to Facebook posts. Something will go awry and that's the end of my "recipe". It's complicated, and it's been killing me.

Life got complicated, and I got mad at God. So I ran.

I've been running but only about 15-20 minutes. I ran for 45 minutes Tuesday night after work. I ran until I ran out of lit places to run. I ran because I didn't want to sit at my computer and look at the emails and Facebook posts I never responded to. I didn't want my cell phone or anything. I needed to be alone...which is a strange feeling when you live alone in one of the most isolated parts of a country. I didn't want to come inside, so I sat in the dark on Pegleg's porch (I don't have my own porch otherwise I would've sat there). I sat there in the dark outside...waiting.

Life isn't complicated. Well, it's not supposed to be at least. I make it complicated when I try to get creative, when I try to skip steps and cut corners, when I try to do things my own way, when I don't trust things will turn out alright with only salt & pepper. I make life complicated when I start comparing myself with my old classmates--and feel like I'm not successful or good enough. I make life complicated when I get jealous of my dating and married friends--and wonder how much longer I'll have to wait. I make life complicated when I throw pity parties for myself--and convince myself that the world has forgotten me. I make my own life complicated because I choose not to trust God; I choose to trust myself.

Out on Pegleg's porch, He asked me why I liked to make life complicated for myself. I didn't have an answer. Life could be simple & basic again if I only trusted Him. Every time I start reaching for that jar of jealousy or can of insecurity, I have to give it back to Him--I have to give it back knowing what He has for me is better than what I'm holding onto.

Love & grace.

Salt & pepper.

Simple & basic.

"He's God. I'm me. When I remember that simple arrangement, life goes so much better." - John Acuff